Sunday, 29 May 2016

Daniel A. Bergstein reads Twilight/ Daniel A. Bergstein číta Súmrak

Once upon a time there was a book, horrible book with boring characters and nonexistent plot, a book that ruined one supernatural classic forever and generated bazillions or fans who divided themselves into two teams according to the love triangle the book presented and they fought each other mercilessly on the internet. And then there were three more books and five films and the hype seemed never ending.
And then came a guy, who found a way to survive this. Dan A. Bergstein started to read Twilight and he made it a ball.  

Kde bolo tam bolo, vznikla jedna kniha, hrozná kniha, s nudnými postavami a neexistujúcou zápletkou, kniha ktorá navždy pošpinila pamiatku jednej nadprirodzenej klasiky a stvorila milióny fanúšikov, ktorí sa delili do dvoch skupín, podľa milostného trojuholníka, ktorý kniha prezentovala a tí spolu bojovali na internete bez štipky zľutovania. A potom vyšli ešte ďalšie tri knihy a päť filmov a ošiaľ nemal konca kraja. 
A potom prišiel chlapík, ktorý prišiel na to ako toto celé prežiť. Dan A. Bergstein začal čítať Súmrak a bola to sranda.

Sunday, 15 May 2016

Ruby & Quentin/Shut up!/ Drž hubu (2003)

Quentin: Hi. I'm Quentin from Montargis.
Ruby: Why not tell him who I am too?
Quentin: Oh sorry. He's Ruby from Puteaux.

Quentin: Ahoj. Ja som Quentin z Montargis.
Ruby: Skvelé. Ešte mu povedz kto som ja.
Quentin: Ou, prepáč. Toto je Ruby z Puteaux.

Sunday, 1 May 2016

En man som heter Ove/Muž menom Ove (2015)

“Now you listen to me," says Ove calmly while he carefully closes the door. "You've given birth to two children and quite soon will be squeezing out a third. You've come here from a land far away and most likely you fled war and persecution and all sorts of other nonsense. You've learned a new language and got yourself an education and you're holding together a family of obvious incompetents. And I'll be damned if I've seen you afraid of a single bloody thing in this world before now....I'm not asking for brain surgery. I'm asking you to drive a car..." And then Ove utters seven words, which Parvaneh will always remember as the loveliest compliment he'll ever give her. "Because you are not a complete twit.” 

"Tak teraz ma počúvaj," povedal Ove ticho, keď opatrne zavrel dvere. "Porodila si dve deti a onedlho vytlačíš aj tretie. Prišla si sem zďaleka a pravdepodobne si unikla prenasledovaniu a iným šialenstvám. Naučila si sa nový jazyk a zaobstarala si si vzdelanie a držíš pohromade rodinu evidentných diletantov. A ešte som ťa nevidel sa doteraz ničoho kurva báť... Nežiadam od teba operáciu mozgu. Chcem, aby si šoférovala auto... " A potom Ove vysloví tých sedem slov, ktoré si Parvaneh bude do smrti pamätať ako ten najkrajší kompliment, aký jej kedy Ove zložil. "Pretože nie si úplný debil."

Sunday, 17 April 2016

Amelie/ Amélia z Montmartru (2001)

Narrator: Nino is late. Amelie can only see two explanations. 1 - he didn't get the photo. 2 - before he could assemble it, a gang of bank robbers took him hostage. The cops gave chase. They got away... but he caused a crash. When he came to, he'd lost his memory. An ex-con picked him up, mistook him for a fugitive, and shipped him to Istanbul. There he met some Afghan raiders who too him to steal some Russian warheads. But their truck hit a mine in Tajikistan. He survived, took to the hills, and became a Mujaheddin. Amelie refuses to get upset for a guy who'll eat borscht all his life in a hat like a tea cozy.

Rozprávač: Nino mešká. Améliu napadajú iba dve vysvetlenia. Po prvé: nedostal fotku. Po druhé: predtým ako ju poskladal, ho uniesol gang lupičov. Nasledovala naháňačka s políciou. Ušli, ale mali haváriu a Nino stratil pamäť. Stretol bývalého trestanca, ten si ho pomýlil s utečencom a odviezol ho do Istanbulu. Tam stretol Afgánskych útočníkov, ktorý ho zapojili do kradnutia jadrových hlavíc. Ich nákladiak mal nehodu v Tadžikistane. Nino ušiel do hôr a stal sa partizánom. Amélia sa odmieta trápiť pre chlapa, ktorý bude do konca života jesť len boršč a ktorého klobúk pripomína prikrývku na čajník.

Sunday, 3 April 2016

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog (2008)


"Theee Freeze Ray needs work. I also need to be a little bit more careful about what I say on this blog. Apparently, the LAPD and Captain Hammer are among our viewers. They were waiting for me at the Mayor's dedication to the Superhero Memorial Bridge, the Freeze Ray takes a few seconds to warm up, and I wasn't... Captain Hammer threw a car at my head."

"Mrazomet ešte potrebuje vychytať zopár múch. Okrem toho musím byť opatrnejší čo sa týka vecí, čo hovorím na svojom videoblogu. Polícia a Kapitán Hammer očivodne patria medzi mojich divákov. Čakali na mňa, keď starosta krstil nový Most Superhrdinov a mrazomet potrebuje pár minút, kým sa zahreje a ja som nebol.... Kapitán Hammer mi hodil na hlavu auto."

Sunday, 20 March 2016

I Origins (2004)

The film about the ultimate fight between science and religion?
Does it sound good?
Yes.
Is it any good?

Film o veľkom boji medzi vedou a náboženstvom?
Znie to dobre?
Tak určite.
Je to dobré?

Sunday, 6 March 2016

Firefly (2002/3 and 2005)

Wash: Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail.

Wash: Sme darebáci, zlato. Ak by všetko správne fungovalo, sedeli by sme v base.

Zoë: Now we have a boatful of citizens right on top of our... stolen cargo. That's a fun mix.
Mal: Ain't no way in the verse they could find that compartment, even [stops talking as a passenger walks past] Even if they were lookin' for it.
Zoë: Why not?
Mal: 'Cause... ?
Zoë: Oh yeah, this is gonna go great.
Mal: If anyone gets nosy, just, you know... shoot 'em.
Zoë: Shoot 'em?
Mal: Politely.

Zoe: Takže teraz máme loď plnú pasažierov a ukradnutý náklad. To je zábavná kombinácia.
Mal: Ale ten by nenašli... [stíchne, keď okolo prejde pasažier]... ani keby sa naň pozerali.
Zoe: Prečo?
Mal: Lebo...?!
Zoe: Toto bude ešte zábava.
Mal: Ak by bol niekto príliš zvedavý, no, tak ho proste zastreľ, dobre?
Zoe: Zastreľ?
Mal: Ale slušne.